Church of Belichick

First Belichick made offense & defense. The offense was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Eye of Belichick surveyed the faces of the players. And Belichick said, "Let there be touchdowns"; and there were touchdowns. And Belichick saw that the touchdowns were good; And Belichick said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the line of scrimmage, and let it separate the opponents from the quarterback." And Belichick made the firmament and separated the quarterback who was behind the firmament from the opponents which were in front of the firmament. And it was so. And Belichick called the firmament the offensive line.

And Belichick said, "Let all the talent under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let Tom Brady appear." And it was so. Belichick called Tom Brady the quarterback, and the others that were gathered together he called Patriots. And Belichick saw that it was good. And Belichick said, "Let the scouts bring forth players, linebackers yielding no ground, and running backs bearing hits which is their duty, each according to its kind." And it was so. The scouts brought forth players according to their needs. And Belichick saw that it was good.

And Belichick said, "Let there be coordinators on the sidelines to separate the managing from the playing; and let them give signs for the plays." And it was so. And Belichick made the two great coordinators, the greater coordinator to rule the offense, and the lesser coordinator to rule the defense; he made the assistants also. And Belichick set them on the sidelines of the field to give order to the game, to rule over the offense and over the defense, and to separate the managing from the playing. And Belichick saw that it was good.

And Belichick said, "Let the locker room bring forth swarms of players, and let them fly across the field from the sidelines to the sidelines." So Belichick created the great star players and every player that moves, with which the field swarms, according to their kinds. And Belichick saw that it was good. And Belichick blessed them, saying, "It is what it is." And Belichick said, "Let the locker room bring forth players according to our needs: offensive players and defenders and special teamers according to our needs." And it was so. And Belichick made the offensive players according to their kinds and the defenders according to their kinds, and the special teamers according to their kinds. And Belichick saw that it was good.

Then Belichick said, "Let us make Tom Brady a perfect image, with no equal; and let him have dominion over the other quarterbacks, and over the players in the huddle, and over the players on the bench, and over all the field, and over every opponent that steps upon the field." So Belichick created Tom Brady with a perfect image, in the image of perfection he created him. And Belichick blessed them, and Belichick said to them, "It is what it is." And Belichick said, "Behold, I have given you all the talent which is upon the face of all the earth, and every player with victory in his heart; you shall have them for teammates. And over every player on the offense, and to every player on the bench, and to every opponent that steps upon the field, every one that has the breath of life, I have given you authority." And it was so. And Belichick saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was perfect.

And Belichick brought fire and brimstone from the heavens, and smote the fucking Jets.