RSPB Laffmere Marshes

Laffmere Marshes was first declared an RSPB reserve by Steve Cotchman OBE, after he got served some of the finest hash on its premises. Since then it has gone from strength to strength, flourishing under its unique status of being the UK's first site dedicated to both nature preservation and drug dealing.

Laffmere has becoming a very popular spot for mandem of the ghetto to relax and listen to some mating bitterns, or catch a glimpse of the elusive Icterine warblers, after a long hard week of hustling cocaine. G's from as far as Hackney and Peckham are drawn to this special reserve, and are only too happy to help with the reedbed restoration projects.

The reserve has a dedicated team of wardens to help the eager birdwatcher with any identification help they need, but they also haven't forgotten the narcotics history of the marsh, and regularly deal a range of class A drugs to anyone willing to pay. Unfortunately, the reserve currently has an infestation of Melodious Warblers, but a full scale extermination project is in effect to rid Laffmere of these fucking queer birds.

Laffmere Marshes prides itself on being family friendly, and hosts mothly childrens events. Last months 'Shank a Melodious Warbler day' was a huge success, and so this month the reserve is holding a treasure hunt, with the kids being able to take home any bags of crack or heroin they find while on the hunt.

The reserve is open 24/7, and is free to anyone who has their authorized gang membership card, turns up blazed, or is taking part in our monthly 'Melodious Massacre' competitions.