Wallbangers Gourmet Hamburgers

One day in a small, but friendly Texas town, The Wallbangers Brothers (known to the locals as Willy, Wally, and Wilbur and to their Ma as “The Boys”) decided to do something special for their Ma (known to the locals as “Ma”) and their Pa (known to the locals as “Herb”). Since one of Ma’s most favorite things in the whole world was eating “cheeseburger-hamburgers,” The Boys pooled their money and took them over to Wendall’s McWhopper King for supper. It’s a good thing they pooled their money, too -- those little burgers add up in a hurry.

“Go sit done, Ma. We’ll stand here and wait for the food,” The Boys said. “Thanks, Boys,” Ma said, “Make mine a cheeseburger-hamburger with mustard and pickles.”

Willy ordered his rare with avocados and bacon. Wally wanted his with chili and onions. Wilbur wanted everything except cheese. Herb wanted a steak sandwich with a salad (Herb hates hamburgers).

Sometime later when The Boys got back to the table with all the little white boxes, everyone lifted the lids to their boxes and said (all at once), “This one’s not mine, it has crumbly lettuce and salad dressing all over it.”

Herb grumbled, “I hate hamburgers.”

The Boys went back to the counter and (very politely) asked Wendall’s daughter (known to the locals as “Wendall’s Daughter”) if there had been a mistake because they all got exactly the same thing, and it wasn’t at all what they had ordered. Wendall’s Daughter just laughed and (not very politely) said, “What you see is what you get.”

Later that night, the Wallbangers were sitting on the front porch talking about how awful those burgers were. Ma said, “Shoot, I bet the boys could make better burgers than Wendall does!” and they laughed and laughed.

Then, Herb wiped his eyes and said, “Yea, and I bet they could make a steak sandwich too!” and they laughed and laughed some more.

Wally gasped, “Right, and we could throw some of Ma’s vegetables out there on a table and we could make some salads!” They laughed even more.

Ma joined in hysterically, “And I could get up every morning and bake fresh buns! I did win a blue ribbon at the State Fair with my homemade bread!”

By this time, Wally was rolling around holding his sides and he said (as best he could), “Potatoes! We could put some of Pop’s big bakin’ potatoes out there with a bunch of trimmin’s and let folks fix ‘em up just the way they like ‘em!”

Wlibur added his own two cents worth, “Might as well let ‘em fix their own hamburgers while you’re at it!” Well, they all screamed at that one. It was quite a while ‘til they all settled down and went off to bed.

Sometime later the next day, the Wallbangers were sitting on the porch again. They were all just kind of staring off into space when Herb cleared his throat and said, “I drove by and talked to Milo about that old filling station of his sitting out long side the highway. He doesn’t want much for it … wouldn’t take much to fix it up.” Wally cleared his throat a little, too, “I talked to Elmer about buying some of his prize beef. He said he could make me a heck of a deal … we could grind it up fresh every day to keep it real juicy and cut some nice steaks off, too.” Willy was next to clear his throat (they were all clearing their throats by this time), “I wandered out to Ma’s garden this morning. Her vegetables sure look good and fresh, and those potatoes are mighty big.” Wilbur was next, “I’ve been sitting here thinking … I could build some tables and stuff, and we could set out all this food real pretty, and then folks could fix things up just the way they like ‘em.” Everything got real quiet. Then Ma said, “Shoot! I’m going to dig out my old bread recipe. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right!” And that was the beginning. The Boys did a real good job running that restaurant. People came from miles around to eat the best hamburgers they ever put in their mouths, and the best steak sandwiches, and the best baked potatoes, and the best salads, and the best cheese cake, etc., etc., etc.